Wednesday, February 13, 2013

A Valentine's Night to Remember-Shortened Version

This is my entry for The Inklingettes' Love Bites: An Anti-Valentine Blog Hop. This is the shortened version of the story below. Enjoy!

Francis looked in the mirror, turned to each side, and straightened the lingerie clinging to her form until it was just perfect. Maybe this would finally get his attention.
She walked down the stairs and stopped short at the bottom, seeing her husband sitting at the couch watching television. Taking a deep breath, she began the long trek over to where he was.
"Oh, come on!" Potato chip crumbs flew out of Billie's mouth and landed all over her freshly vaccuumed carpet. Francis flinched. Tonight is all about us. Tonight is all about us.
She repeated these words like a mantra, attempting to clear her mind of the sight of the disgusting mixture of chewed up chips and spittle hitting her floor.
Francis put her hand on her hip in a sexy fashion and cleared her throat.
Billy kept yelling at the game.
She cleared it louder, but to no avail.
Then, she cleared it so loud that it was almost a cough. That barely got her husband's attention.
"You sound sick, babe." He glanced quickly up at her and back at the television. He did a double take at the sight of what she was wearing.
"Well, no wonder, you're practically naked! Here, put this on." He held out a ratty old blanket and Francis took it. She wrapped it around herself and Billie nodded his head in satisfaction. "There. Better, right?"
Francis sighed, defeated, and began to walk back up to the bedroom to change.


Read everybody's amazing Anti-Valentine's Day entries here:

13 comments:

  1. Oh dear.
    Clueless spouse for the fail.
    Great entry!

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  2. I liked both versions, and felt her pain! So much effort and nothing...I really enjoyed this, great writing!

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  3. Perfect, I immediately had to read the longer version which was also perfect. Love it. It'll be me tomorrow night, as one of my hubby's favourite football teams is playing - he asked me if I wanted to pop round to a friends while he watched it - I reminded him it was valentines days! *sigh* He looked embarrassed!

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    1. I'm soo glad this version made you want to read the longer one. I was sad when I had to shorten it, but am glad it turned out well. I can just imagine the look of embarrassment on your husband's face. It's like.....UH OH!

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  4. Oh, man! I think I've lived this story - more than once!! The little details, like his spittle, are perfect!! So glad you joined the hop!! ;)

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    1. It's funny, because those little details are what came to my head when I first read the words Anti-Valentine's Day. The image of the husband on the couch eating potato chips was the complete inspiration for this.

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  5. Nice! You really sell the story with the strong visual imagery & really bring the sense of exasperation across.

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  6. Been there and done that - a great entry that rings so true. You've captured the little details so perfectly too - thanks for entering!

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  7. Oh dear. he needs a good kick up the backside! I don't know how she didn't hit him when he said she sounded sick Babe. Just that word alone deserves a slap. Beautifully descriptive narrative where I feel her frustration. The second piece has a fab ending ;-) x

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  8. So easy to relate to, perhaps next time she should just do naked cartwheels in front of the t.v. or blow the circuit breaker ;)

    Lovely job!

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  9. Really enjoyed this made me smile but also made me feel sad. Lovely writing I could see it vividly.

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  10. Ouch—we've all been there! You really captured the build up & let down perfectly. I love the truth of all those potato chip bits everywhere. I read the longer version too--amen for her eating her own damn chocolates : )

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